You Will Probably Be Offended.

So here's the thing; not everyone likes kids.  Sure, there is no disputing that some of them are adorable.  That can only be explained by some sort of biological adaptation we have so as to be more inclined to protect and not kill them.  Having an "awwww its so cute" moment in no way should take away from the fact that in general, I, again like many others, do not like kids.

With that in mind, I cannot help but be amazed at the utter stupidity of parents these days.  Because I work with the general public, I have to deal with these people daily.  I am saddened for the future of the human race if this is the level of reverse evolution we have achieved when one childless person such as myself knows more about child rearing than the average parent.

Here's a tip: If your child is in its "terrible twos," leave the fucker at home.  I should not be subjected to their endless need to be making noise.  I am not referring to talking.  Kids at that age should be trying to communicate as much as possible (and parents should be engaging rather than ignoring, but I digress...).  I am referring to the high pitched screams that seem to go on for hours.  What is even more mind boggling is that you think it is completely acceptable to force them to hang out in the mall when they clearly cannot handle it while you search for something you do not need.

Here's another tip: No one but you should have to keep tabs on your child.  I know picking up the latest video game is SUPER important and all, but maybe insuring your kid isn't getting abducted by the neighborhood perv should be a priority.  The last thing you should do is yell at us retail employees because we don't have the answer to the "Where did my kid go?" question.  I am not your personal babysitter.  Remember when I said I don't like children?  I ignore them.  It is YOUR job as their parent to pay attention to their whereabouts.

Oh, another tip, you say?  When your kid decides to destroy the accessory wall at my store, it is not cute.  People have to clean that up and while it may be keeping your kid occupied while you spend the months grocery money on shit you don't need, it is not fair to the minimum wage slave you just made stay an extra hour past their shift.  What would you do if your kid started throwing shit around at your house?

Allow me to leave you with this final thought: When innocent bystanders can smell your child's shitty diaper, it is time to go home.  That is gross.