The Internet Does Not Make You Smart.

Don't get me wrong; I am a fan of the internet  After all, without it, I wouldn't have this wonderful place to house my rants!  What I hate about the internet (well, besides its ability to render a generation nearly illiterate in less than a decade...) is its leniency.  Anyone with half a brain can post a website and assert their authority on a given subject and the uneducated masses suddenly take their word as fact.

With the endless stream of (often incorrect) information floating around, your over zealous, self proclaimed "geek" will spend copious amounts of time web surfing and then come in to a store to try to "test" the employee, aka ME.  This annoys me to no end.  Not because I do not have the answer.  Not because I get embarrassed if I do not, in fact, have the answer.  Certainly not because I am afraid of being tested.  No, it annoys me because your answer is often the most ludicrous answer I have ever heard and being a thick headed moron who believes anything he/she reads on the internet, he/she will not back down despite the evidence contrary to his/her belief.

I have one or two of these people a day and it would please me more than I can express to punch them in their smug little faces.  I do not give a shit if @TheRealBillGates or @TheRealTimCook (made up Twitter handles.  All accuracies are completely coincidental.) said on Twitter that their company is releasing a computer tomorrow that shoots laser beams.  I do not sell that product because it doesn't exist.  You standing in front of me arguing about it is not to going produce said HYPOTHETICAL product out of thin air.

Furthermore, I do not give a shit if your mother's friend's brother's sister's girlfriend's dog's owner's collegue's aunt's grammie's uncle's wife's boss's son said that if you do x-y-z you can turn your cell phone into a taser gun and your mother's friend's brother's sister's girlfriend's dog's owner's collegue's aunt's grammie's uncle's wife's boss's son read on the internet how to accomplish this task so you now demand that I show you this feat because it ISN'T REAL!

Pulling your "I read it on the internet" elitist bullshit on me is not going to work.  I have the internet too, bitches.  I also have the common sense to know when something is a rumor and when something holds weight.  You are not making me look stupid, but holding your ground when you are oh so obviously wrong makes you look like a stubborn fool.

Here is a tip, really consider the content you are reading before you go spouting off at the mouth to people who may actually know what they are talking about.  Maybe entertain the possibility that the original information you absorbed was incorrect.

But hell, what do I know?  I'm just typing it on the internet.

Say It, Don't Spray It.

I am not grossed out very easily.  I can watch an undead human delightfully consume the entrails of another human in zombie flicks and not flinch.  I have discovered that the one thing that sends me gagging is getting spat on by a stranger.

As the spitter, do you hope the other person doesn't realize what just happened, or do you do bring those droplets of spittle to the forefront of the conversation?  I can say as the frequent recipient of this disgusting occurrence that I would at least like an acknowledgement followed by an admission of embarrassment and remorse.  I mean, at the very least, crack a joke about it but do not pretend it didn't happen.

Working in the customer service industry requires me to be polite and on my best behavior. Does that require me to suppress my disgust with the fact that your bodily fluid had now found a home on my skin?  Am I allowed to awkwardly wipe the droplets off, or is that impolite?  Would it be going too far if I freaked out and excused myself to shower? 

The moral of the story folks, "Keep it in your mouth."  And yes, that IS what she said.