PSA for Dickheads

Have you ever heard the phrase, "You'll catch more flies with honey"? Why one would want a collection of flies is beyond me, but I'm guessing that isn't quite the point. I believe it is insinuating that by being nice you are more likely to get what you want. (And if I'm wrong this entire post has just failed!)

I wish we could hang that on a sign at every entrance at every business just to remind people they should stop being dickheads.

Take, for instance, the douchetool that decided screaming at me while a mere three fingers length from my face was the best way to get what he wanted. If you're reading, Supreme Douche of Douchebaggary, I would like you to know it had just the opposite effect. I knew I couldn't break your nose (which was what I wanted so badly) and keep the job I love so I really just wanted to do anything UNhelpful. Don't fuck with the people who can help you (or who make your food).

I get it, you went to a different store (not a different location of the same company, but a different retailer all together) and they told you to come here, but you have to ask yourself is it me who is the fool because we cannot perform the task they said we could, or is it your dumb ass for taking the words of a non *insert company I work for* employee as gold? I'm definitely thinking the latter.

My solution to your temper tantrum? Well, I tried to draw a parallel between your behavior and that of something else to figure out how to deal. Hm. What could it be? Suddenly, it came to me! You are acting remarkably like a 2 year old who was just told "no" to some candy at the grocery store. And what does Mom do when you're throwing a fit? She blatantly ignores you and goes on about her business until you cry so much you wear yourself out.

Maybe not the best solution for the customer, but trust me sir, it was the best solution for your face, you entitled piece of shit. :)

So, in closing, I would like to encourage all of you fellow consumers to ask yourself one question when making the decision to talk to a customer service employee, "Is this a dick move?" If you just tweak your behavior slightly, you'll get what you want and we will be less likely to become the next postal worker.

Thank you and enjoy the show.