Front Butt.

Front Butt: (adj) The bulbous protrusion emanating from below the waist. The profile of the bearer of a front butt closely resembles the uppercase letter “B”. The most common wielders of a front butt are middle-aged males with a penchant for ill-cut high-rising trousers, which they fasten well above the navel. Commonly, those with front butts are also equipped with “man titties”.


Thank you, Urban Dictionary. 


In my experience, sufferers of the Front Butt often have the inability to realize their condition and refuse to dress accordingly.  Your shirt should always meet your pants.  Bare midriffs are so 1997.  And lest we forget, that was only in style for skinny folk.


Additionally, front butt offenders seem to be part of the rudest group of customers I have ever encountered.  There must be some sort of reservior of bad attitude hiding out in that large bulbous protrusion! 


Working in the fine, upscale retail environment I do, I have the displeasure of encountering these wonderful people.  The most recent of which was a couple and their child.  Yes.  A family of front butts. ::shudders::


Allow me to list the many things wrong with this family.


1) Though we work in the customer service industry, we are also human beings who have lives outside of their job.  We close at nine, dipshit.  So don't come in needing excessive technological education at 8:55.  That is not okay.


2) If you have a question for me you must first end your conversation on your cell phone.  I am not one of those people who is angry at the fact that you are talking loudly on your cell phone airing your dirty laundry.  I actually find it quite humorous.  No.  I am angry that you attempt to hold two conversations at once and fail.  


3) If you are having a marital dispute, I implore you, please do it in private.  It is bad enough that I have to suffer through the visual assault by your front butts, inability to express yourself verbally, and blatant inconsideration of those around you.  Please do not force me to have a detailed picture of what your life is like.  That is a place no one should venture.


4) I am not, I repeat, NOT a babysitter.  No, I will not watch your child while you shop around my store AFTER WE'VE CLOSED!  Well, I wouldn't do it if we were still open, but still.  You chose to spawn so it is your job and your job alone to take care of it.  Do we need to have the "I hate children conversation"?


I'm sure I could go on and on, but it would take away from the key point.  If you are fat, dress accordingly, please.  I do not want to see you belly that looks like a butt.  And for God's sake, please stop rubbing your belly! You are not a genie!