Yes. I have tattoos.

A good friend of mine recently told me of a story where she was somewhere shopping or eating and had an older couple just gawk at her for a good ten minutes.  She has a blue mohawk.  They didn't say anything to her or to themselves.  Her solution?  Walk up to them, stand as close as possible, and say "HI!" very loudly devoid of any emotion.  It made them feel awkward as hell.  They left her alone.

Gawking is the quickest way to make shit awkward.  Want to make things even worse?  Go up to said gawkee, grab their arm and proceed to inspect their tattoos.  If that isn't enough, you can always start removing articles of clothing to show of your tattoos.  These incidents happen to me frequently.  But never in the same day.  Until today.

The first culprit; a short, middle aged man.  He stood staring at my collection of tattoos as if I were a museum display.  I walked up to him and asked if he needed some assistance because he was looking at me as if I could help him.  He the proceeded to silently grab my left arm by the wrist and start rotating it to see all of my work.  Not okay.  My right fist clenched and prepared to strike.  He let go just as I was about to release.  Lucky him.  When he finally spoke, he caressed my arm (ew) and told me my color was beautiful.  Um...I know.  Your compliment in no way makes up for you touching me!

I do not like be touched by strangers.  If you wanted to look at my work, cool.  Just ask.  Museums have a strict "do not touch the exhibits" policy.  If you choose to treat me like a display, at least be consistent.

After I calmed down, I had another customer interested in my work.  She at least understood the physical boundaries and asked to take a look instead of touching me.  This I appreciated.  Unfortunately, she did not understand that taking off articles of clothing in public to show me her shiiiiiiiitty prison style tattoos was also a boundary which should never be crossed.

This woman epitomized white trash.  I stood wide eyed and terrified as she started removing clothing.  She had roughly seven tattoos which she claimed were lions.  The combination of her leathery, over tanned, old skin with generally piss poor tattoos rendered them little more than blobs.

She eagerly awaited my approval to her blobs.  What do you say to that?  I realize I am supposed to be nice, but lady, you just got nearly butt ass naked in the middle of a big box retailer at peek hours.  And your tattoos weren't even well done!  All I could muster was a, "Neat."

I am not sure where people got the impression that touching me, or visually assaulting me with your horrible tattoos was proper social etiquette.  Please take this as your formal warning!